Creating My Own History

On July 2^nd, 2017 as I was texting my friend, Sweet Ann, I made the decision to come back to Neema for a year! When I first began thinking about coming to Neema for three months, I felt Jesus was telling me it’s good to do hard things. When Sweet Ann asked me what I was going to do about coming back to Neema, I told her I wasn’t sure yet. Then, she asked me what would be the most comfortable thing to do and what would be the hardest thing. My reply was that it would be the most comfortable to go back to Montana and it would be hardest to stay here. I followed that very quickly with, “I think Jesus wants me to stay at least a year”.

 

Being so far away from my family and friends is very challenging for me, but I recognize that now is the time in my life to do this. My mom has always said I have “too big of a heart sometimes” and I think I’m starting to understand what she’s meant by that all these years. When I love someone, I really love them – like tell me every detail of your life and your mom’s favorite color kind of love them. Working with the volunteers here at Neema is something I am very passionate about and enjoy very much. Honestly, some of the volunteers I’ve worked with the past three months have become some of my closest friends.

 

Debra (a co-worker from Montana) says I have “the gift of crying” and I believe that gift goes along with how close I get to people and how deeply I care about everyone in my life. So, I’m sure you can understand it has been hard on me to watch so many fantastic volunteers come and go, especially people who stay for two months. But, I realize that is part of the game here and I’m very thankful to have the opportunity to meet so many awesome people. I’ve never had so many friends who live in Texas.

 

I’m sure you aren’t surprised that I was crying my little eyes out one evening as I was driving away from the airport after dropping off some volunteers. Priscilla had come with me to drop them off because these particular volunteers had worked closely in the office with both of us. As we were driving back to Neema, we were talking about how hard it is to get to know people, become close to them, and then watch them leave. Priscilla told me she knows it was a hard decision for me to make to stay at Neema. She grasps how close my family and I are and she sees how much I miss my friends.   She went on to state that I am creating my own history, a story which I’ll one day share with my children and grandchildren about the work I’m doing here in Tanzania which is touching many lives. Priscilla also said she’s very proud of me and I’m thankful to have such an amazing co-worker here with me in the Tanzania office!

 

I’ve given the words she spoke over me a lot of thought during the last week.   I feel I’ve had nothing to do with this and that it is all about Jesus and His plan for me. I laugh when I think about how long it took me to make this decision! As I’ve been telling people about my decision to return to Neema for a year, there hasn’t been one single person who was the least bit surprised. Everyone has said they saw this coming. I’ve concluded that everyone and their dog knew before me. Jesus really washed His peace over me during that conversation with Sweet Ann which is what I needed to confirm my answering yes to return for a year.

 

Looking ahead to the next year, I am full of excitement and yet I am totally freaked out. I am trusting that:

~My parents won’t forget I’m their favorite child (sorry siblings)

~Amanda remembers she’s forever and always the best of my besties

~Josh & Nathan understand that while they might be taller than me, I am still older and they will still have to listen to me even when I’m half way across the world in Africa.

~Charlie and Molly will know their crazy Auntie Em is ALWAYS just a FaceTime away or a 36 hour plane ride, if needed.

~Trevan and Maddy won’t forget that I’m the sweetest sister-in-law they’ve ever had.

~My grandparents will remember how much I appreciate all they’ve done for me

~All my friends will remember how funny I am and that I’m always up for a FaceTime dance party

~My co-workers at P1 won’t forget all the hilarious inside we have

~Everyone will understand my being away doesn’t mean I love you any less

 

So, I will be home August 9^th and I’ll be returning to Tanzania at the end of September or the first part of October. Lord willing, I’ll have enough money to come home for three weeks in December for Christmas. Let’s be real – I cried on the 4^th of July because I wasn’t at the lake with my family. I don’t think I could make it through being away from home at Christmas without having a mental breakdown. I’ll just have to forget that Thanksgiving is even a thing….

 

I’ll end with this thought. Sometimes I feel like I’m too weak for the journey ahead of me, but I know that God’s grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness. Priscilla and I sing “Give Me Faith” by Elevation Worship a lot in the office. Here are some of the lyrics. I think you’ll see what comfort these words are to me.

“All I am, I surrender.

Give me faith to trust what You say
That You’re good and Your love is great

‘Cause I may be weak
But Your spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will
I may be weak
But Your spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will”